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Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex: What to Do When Your Ex-Spouse Tries to Turn the Kids Against You, by Amy J. L. Baker PhD, Paul R Fine LCSW
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You aren’t what you think! For teens with negative thinking habits, a licensed psychologist and a health journalist offer cognitive restructuring—a simple and effective cognitive behavioral approach to help you break free from the nine most common negative thinking habits that typically result in feeling sad, worried, angry, and stressed.
This workbook offers a powerful technique called cognitive restructuring to help you reframe your thoughts, regulate your emotions, become a more flexible thinker, and stop letting your thoughts define who you are and how you feel. You’ll learn to target the nine specific kinds of negative thinking habits that can cause you to worry or feel bad, such as the I can’t habit, the doom and gloom habit, the all or nothing habit, the jumping to conclusions habit, and more!
Each chapter will walk you through simple explanations of each kind of negative thought, and offers real-life examples—as well as the sorts of behaviors, emotions, and bodily sensations that might be expected. You'll also gain an understanding of unhelpful or unrealistic thoughts, how to challenge them, how to replace them with more realistic and helpful thoughts, and an action plan for moving forward.
By recognizing these negative thinking habits, you’ll feel more in control and less anxious and sad. Most importantly, you’ll be able to see yourself and the world more clearly. Your thoughts don’t have to define who you are and how you experience life. The transdiagnostic approach in this book will show you how to kick negative thinking habits to the curb for good!
- Sales Rank: #15222 in Books
- Brand: New Harbinger Publications
- Published on: 2014-05-01
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.00" h x 6.25" w x .75" l, .0 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 224 pages
Features
- New Harbinger Publications
Review
“In recent years, the study of parental alienation has become an enormously complex topic addressed in hundreds of books, scholarly chapters, and papers in academic journals. A parent who finds herself or himself alienated from a previously loving child may quickly feel overwhelmed by the vast amount of professional and amateur advice that is available. Amy J. L. Baker and Paul R. Fine have found a way to help alienated parents quickly—by focusing on five specific strategies by which a former spouse may cause parental alienation.”
—William Bernet, MD, professor emeritus at Vanderbilt University School of Medicine, Nashville, TN
“This book provides the reader with much needed support as well as specific and helpful advice about how to parent a child who is involved in his parent’s conflict. Every child deserves to love and be loved by both parents, and this book will help targeted parents achieve that goal.”
—Jason Patric, actor, targeted father, and founder of Stand Up for Gus
“Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex is an excellent book for any parent dealing with a high-conflict co-parent in a separation or divorce. Baker and Fine accurately describe the hidden patterns of manipulation by a toxic ex that can lead to an alienated child—one who wants to avoid the other parent. Most important, they teach what to do and what not to do to protect a healthy parent-child relationship for the other parent regardless of these manipulations. This is a minefield and they provide supportive strategies and numerous tips for a reasonable parent to use—including how to avoid getting angry, giving up, or giving in.”
—Bill Eddy, lawyer, therapist, and author of Don’t Alienate the Kids!: Raising Resilient Children While Avoiding High Conflict Divorce (www.HighConflictInstitute.com)
“While Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex is technically not classified as a workbook, divorce is work, and often becomes a full time job. Amy J. L. Baker and Paul R. Fine have developed a chapter-by-chapter playbook for parents in any stage of divorce. The book encourages parents to bring strong parenting skills to the table while trying to create a solid foundation for the identity, growth, and maturity of their children. This dynamic duo does it again for so many parents struggling to find their way through the maze of co-parenting after divorce. Bravo!”
—Jill Egizii, president of the Parental Alienation Awareness Organization, USA
"Parenting expert Baker (Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome) and psychotherapist Fine have created a workbook specifically for divorced co-parents who sense they are losing the battle for their children’s love, loyalty, and respect. The book features tools, strategies, written exercises, and dialogues designed to help reduce the ex’s negative influence and 'delay, if not prevent' a child from choosing one parent over another. This guide helps co-parents recognize and understand the signs and symptoms of loyalty struggles and their insidious effects, while offering remedies based in positive and mindful parenting to help fashion a safe and loving environment. The authors suggest the familiar protocol of positive parenting as a way to strengthen the parent-child bond, and, when coupled with mindfulness techniques for personal awareness, this protocol can help unhappy, stressed parents handle the animosity and negative influence of their ex. Like a guerilla manual, the book arms co-parents with tools for coping with a variety of scenarios, including when the ex is sending poisonous messages, interfering with contact and communication, 'erasing and replacing,' encouraging the child to betray confidences and trust, or undermining the co-parent’s authority. Genuinely helpful, this guide tackles a sensitive problem and shows how to diffuse it with accepted and proven psychotherapeutic practices."
—Publishers Weekly
About the Author
Amy J. L. Baker, PhD, is a national expert on children caught in loyalty conflicts and has written a seminal book on the topic, Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome, published by W.W. Norton and Company. In addition to conducting trainings around the country for parents as well as legal and mental health professionals, Baker has written dozens of scholarly articles on topics related to parent-child relationships and has appeared on national TV, including Good Morning America, CNN, and the Joy Behar Show. She has been quoted in the New York Times and US News and World Report, among other print media outlets. Baker graduated from Barnard College, summa cum laude and Phi Beta Kappa. She has a PhD in human development from Teachers College, Columbia University. More information is available on her website at www.amyjlbaker.com.
Paul R. Fine, LCSW, is a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist in practice at a community mental health center in northern New Jersey. He has over twenty-five years’ experience working with diverse populations. His practice includes an eclectic and humanistic approach to problems faced by individuals and families.
Most helpful customer reviews
37 of 39 people found the following review helpful.
Constructive and encouraging in a sad situation
By Starling
I bought this for a friend who is dealing with exactly the situation described in this book, and I read it too. It was both sad and relieving to learn that his ex's confusing behavior is in fact following a pattern set by many others before her—sad that so many people harm their children this way, but relieving because at least we can learn from the experiences of others. One thing I found interesting and encouraging is that a lot of the book is not about how to deal with the ex directly, but about how to strengthen your bond with your child and help him or her develop a strong core of kindness, empathy, independence, and critical thinking skills (everything the other parent is in the process of destroying) so that he or she can resist brainwashing even when you're not there to help. Although the book doesn't promise miracles, it has definitely provided a strong glimmer of hope.
21 of 22 people found the following review helpful.
Essential for the alienated parent.
By Bradley A. Ellis
I have purchased multiple copies of this book. It can be very difficult for attorneys and therapists to completely understand exactly what is happening. A copy of this can really help when you are trying to get people to understand the complexity of the tactics the alienating parent is using to drive a wedge between you and your child. My custody battle is ongoing, but this book has been very valuable in the progress that has been made.
10 of 10 people found the following review helpful.
Highly recommend it. I just wish there was more of ...
By Amazon Customer
This book is spot on with everything we are going through. Highly recommend it. I just wish there was more of a section on when to expect the kids to start realizing the truth about the toxic ex...if ever. A small chapter on child emotional development would have been great.
See all 64 customer reviews...
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